I’m learning so much about anxiety since my heart stopped and my ICD fired. Since I have a family member with GAD , I thought I understood anxiety pretty well. I was so wrong! It really is hard to understand until you’ve experienced it.

Since my big health event, I’ve spent pretty much every waking moment (and lots of dream moments) feeling some degree of anxiety and feeling unsafe. It ebbs and flows, but takes a lot of energy. The most surprising thing for me is that random things trigger physical expressions of anxiety (for me dizziness and tightness in my chest) — and that can happen even when mentally I feel more or less fine and am not feeling particularly worried about anything at all. It’s like someone flips an alarm switch in my brain and suddenly shouts “Run away! Emergency!” even though I’m calmly eating dinner with a friend. It’s alarming and very challenging.

So what do I appreciate about this? Well, I certainly wouldn’t wish an ICD shock, heart failure, or anxiety on anyone 😛 — but I do appreciate the education this mini-course in anxiety is providing me. I appreciate the chance to develop a deeper understanding of what it is like for people who struggle with anxiety. And I appreciate that my new understanding will help me be a better support person for those people.

Naturally, I am also grateful that, for me, this is a short-term, situational experience. I am lucky enough to know that I’ll be able to return to my “regular” self and walk through the world feeling pretty safe most of the time.

I also really, really appreciate my gentle, patient, incredibly insightful and helpful therapist who is helping me work through the PTSD and start to get back to feeling normal! Each EMDR session leaves me drained for the rest of the day… but the results are stunning.

After today’s session, I was able to go out for a walk (1.5 miles) by myself – and it was the first time since I got out of the hospital that I’ve able to do that without being filled with anxiety the whole time. It was such a relief to simply walk and breathe and not be on red alert, constantly assessing how far away from the house I was, wondering what would happen if I passed out again, hoping I wouldn’t have to go back to the hospital… It really did feel like a miracle.

I am so grateful for how quickly and deeply the EMDR works, and for Lynn’s expert help. Now that I’m working with her every week (because at first I was too anxious to get through an appointment!), I know my recovery is going to go quickly. If you or anyone you know might benefit from this kind of work, I highly, highly recommend her.  lynnharrisluetgers.com