DianaK

COVID, depression, and me

The past couple months have been pretty rough.

I knew this holiday season was going to be hard since it was the first one without my dad. What I didn’t know was how much COVID was going to kick my ass — physically and mentally. And, of course, I didn’t foresee my mom being hospitalized from Dec 21-26th for lung complications and breathing problems related to her COVID.

Oooof.

Most of my COVID symptoms resolved or improved after the expected 10 days. But some of the other effects that came on in the following weeks really took me by surprise. 

When I came out of isolation, I kept saying that I felt like COVID had somehow broken me. I didn’t feel like myself anymore. I experienced debilitating depression and anxiety, and a month of intense insomnia (4-hour nights 3-4x/week).

After weeks of trying to understand why I couldn’t find any joy or humor (so unlike me — even during my darkest days), why I didn’t want to connect with my friends, didn’t want (or remember) to eat, and couldn’t concentrate…a good friend threw me a lifeline in the form of this podcast recommendation:  

The Surprising Link Between COVID and Depression

This information was so helpful. Having an explanation for what I was experiencing was incredibly relieving. 

Here’s what I learned.

Around 50% of folks who get COVID will have a depressive or anxious period in the 3 months following the infection. COVID can interfere with our ability to absorb and utilize tryptophan — which is an amino acid that our bodies use to help make melatonin and serotonin. 

Melatonin is a hormone that helps with sleep (which explains my intense insomnia).  

Serotonin is a neurotransmitter that’s involved in nearly every part of the brain, and is thought to affect a wide variety of things including sleep, appetite, mood, learning and memory, and happiness.

Having an explanation and name for what was happening has helped me so much. I’m continuing to work with my therapist and docs to manage the depression and I now feel hopeful some of the time, which is a huge relief. 

And… I realize how fortunate I am that this is a short-lived event for me. I have so much compassion for folks for whom this is an ongoing experience. I am sending out love and deep caring to all of you who are going through a rough time and/or struggle with mental illness. You matter.

Here are a few places that can help if you need support for depression and/or anxiety.

National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI)

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

Anxiety and Depression Association of America

PS – I’m happy to report that although we’re still figuring out the cause of and treatment for my mom’s reduced lung capacity, she is doing better, as well.

DianaK

Snowfall, and COVID, and New Class, oh my!

I hope your December is starting out beautifully! We had a big snowfall the other day and the city is still blanketed with our white wonder.

I didn’t have to do any of the shoveling or drive in the worst of it, though, because my December is starting out COVID-y. 😖 It’s pretty miserable. But as of today I’m through the worst of it — and I get to venture out of my bedroom in my mask!

Fortunately, my partner and kiddo remain well. And we’re doing everything we can to keep it that way.  

Getting COVID has put me behind on letting folks know about my upcoming free class, Applied Kindness. If you’re willing to share it with anyone who might be interested, I would really appreciate that! 

My dad admiring his calendar gift with my daughter, Katie.

December has always been a magical month for me. I celebrate holidays with my family, and both my Dad and I have birthdays in December. Plus Solstice. And snow!

This year I’m heading into the season full of both COVID and grief about my Dad, and I’m less excited and prepared for it than usual.

But that’s okay. I am finding comfort and balance by tuning into the simple gift of kindness.

The Simple Gift of Kindness

I’ve been on the receiving end of some stunning kindnesses this year. Its effects are both immediate and long-lasting. 

For example…Kindness in
While composing myself after a minor episode of public griefy-weeping at church a few weeks ago, someone I recently met came over and held my gaze before saying, “Your emotions look beautiful on you.” 

Like I said, stunning kindness.

I think of her comment almost every day.

And that feels really good.

Kindness out…
I doubt she knows how deeply this affected me. As soon as I regain more energy I will make her a beautiful card telling her how much her words meant to me.

And that feels good, too.

Both receiving AND offering kindness are powerful acts with a bunch of positive effects.

In Tuesday’s class (details below), we’ll look at research that explains why kindness is so powerful. We’ll do a gentle somatic exercise, share a few stories, and I’ll give you some simple science-backed tips you can use right away to tap into the gifts of kindness.

If you would like to feel a little more kindness in your life, join me on Tuesday. I would love to see you there!

Applied Kindness
Tuesday, Dec 6: 7-8 pm
Free online class

REGISTER FOR APPLIED KINDNESS

DianaK

OMG the joy of teaching! Next up: Applied Kindness ❤️

Well, that was amazing. I hadn’t offered a class since my Dad died and I really wasn’t sure how it would be to teach again. It. Was. Fantastic.

It really does light me up to share the tools I’ve been learning about with other people. I am so grateful that folks show up to share their experiences and questions with me. If you’ve attended any of my classes, please know that you have had a huge impact on my well-being!

Yesterday was World Kindness Day. I didn’t do anything special to recognize it, although I did bypass my introvert tendencies to offer a stranger a heart-felt compliment. (He really did have a beautiful singing voice!) And this morning, a friend offered to pick up groceries while they were at the store — and then delivered them in the snow! It was a fabulous treat.

I’ll be focused on kindness in the coming weeks, though, as I prepare for my upcoming class, Applied Kindness.

Offering these free 1-hour classes is such a good opportunity to go through my hundreds of pages of notes to pull out the most useful bits. It deepens my own understanding — and reminds me to use the tools in my own life!

As you know, I am a huge neuroscience geek, so the science of kindness is endlessly fascinating to me. You can get a good overview in articles like this or this or this. If you just want the highlights and some simple tips for tapping into kindness to improve your well-being, please join me on Tuesday, December 6th at 7 pm for my class. I would love to see you there!

If articles and classes aren’t your jam, but you want to know more about the benefits of kindness, feel free to shoot me an email or keep reading for a few quick tips.

I hope your week is full of kindness!

Benefits of Kindness
Each act of kindness we do generates feel-good hormones like dopamine and serotonin. And even better, many of these acts of kindness also foster connection with others — a vital component of our well-being.

Acts of kindness have been linked to greater life satisfaction, stronger relationships, and better mental and physical health. And what’s more, you can benefit from kindness by just thinking about something kind you have done for someone else, witnessing someone being kind, or thinking of a time when someone did something kind for you.

Here’s a quick list of kindness pick-me-ups you can try this month.

  • Give your barista or grocery delivery person an extra tip.

  • Send a “thinking of you” text to someone. It might seem like a little thing to you — but you never know how big an impact you might be having on someone’s day.

  • Leave a loved one a sweet voicemail. Tell them how much they mean to you, list things you appreciate about them, or say why you value your relationship. This socially connecting activity benefits both you AND your loved one.

  • Surprise a family member or neighbor by doing an errand or a chore for them. Who doesn’t love that?!?

  • Pay a genuine compliment to the someone you encounter. Little exchanges like this can provide both people a lovely little connection to carry throughout the day!
DianaK

The loving payoff of asking for support

Yesterday was the 4th anniversary of my sister’s death. We just passed the 6-month mark since my Dad’s death, too, so I was feeling especially tender.

My daughter and her partner came over in the morning to spend time with us. We shared donuts and bagels and drank a toast (with Jeni’s favorite coffee drink) to Jeni. It was so good.

I am feeling loved and supported and grateful.

I almost didn’t ask Katie and Cina to come over. I was caught in old patterns of thought that say I shouldn’t ask for support unless it’s absolutely necessary. Ooof.

That thought is not supported by my lived experience (nobody has ever asked me to stop asking for help), nor is it a thought that I stand by.

The idea I do stand by is that we are meant to be interdependent — and that asking each other for help is vital to our relationships and to our well-being.

So as I stumble across the old thoughts, I remind myself how good it feels when someone I love asks for help and I am able to say YES! I remember that even when I’m not able to help, I appreciate being asked. I relish the trust and connection that asking for — and being asked for — help fosters. And then I cry some more. And then I ask for support.

I hope you are finding ways to ask for the support and help you need. And when you do ask for what you need, I hope folks around you are celebrating your willingness to take care of yourself. If it helps, I will be here celebrating your bravery and vulnerability in asking. ❤️

Asking for help is one of the topics I’ll be covering in my class this week, Preventative Self-Care. I’m offering this free class via zoom on Thursday, November 10th from 7:00-8:00 PM.

If you’re interested in learning some research-based self-care tips — both on-the-spot quick tips and ways to build some simple self-care habits, I’d love to see you there!

You can learn more about the class here or jump in and register here.

Here’s to a week of supported interdependence and love! 😊

DianaK

Playing my new game: Wheel Of Grief! Losing my dad, feeling tender, and reaching toward kindness and compassion

My dad died in April (obit is here) and I miss him in a hundred different ways. This photo was taken at a little resort up north where my extended family met for a week every summer — for 35 years.

One of the traditions we established was to hand out gag gifts at an “awards” ceremony at the end of the week. Here he is, sporting his gift with his usual good humor.

This is my first summer without my dad and it has been pretty rough.

My sister died a few years ago so I thought I knew what to expect this time around, but it turns out that every death, every loss, every grieving is unique. So I’m starting at square one, again. Which means, for me, more reading.

One of the most comforting books I’ve read this spring is the Welcome to the Grief Club by Janine Kwoh. This wonderfully wise and warm book contains gentle, bite-sized and friendly text and graphics — and it normalizes ALL the ways grief might show up. Reading (and re-reading and picking it up and putting it down) has been so helpful to me. I highly recommend it.

Another way I am coping with my grief is to talk about it. A lot. 

A few weeks ago I was talking to a friend about the unpredictable nature of grief and we came up with the idea that grief is like a game show: Wheel — Of — Grief! It’s not as much fun as the actual game show of similar title. Fewer fabulous prizes and fortune, for sure. 😆

But thinking of grief this way has helped me let go of the idea that I can plan for my emotional state on a given day or at a given time. 

Every morning I wake up and spin the Wheel of Grief. Some days I get “Feeling okay!” Other days I get “Cry on and off all day!” or “Lose your glasses. 300 times!” or “Forget what time (or day or month) it is!” 

Some days I spin the wheel all day long, bouncing from brain-foggy sadness to deep gratitude for the people in my life to irritability about all. the. things. 

During the first couple hours of today I felt lonely, anxious, okay, happy, silly, grateful, sad, focused, and exhausted. Then I ate breakfast.😳

I’m learning that no matter where the wheel lands, the more I can turn to my experience with compassion and kindness, the better it is for everyone. So that’s a thing I am working on.

I have the capacity to appreciate things today, so here’s what’s on the list.

Today I appreciate…

  • Sunshine and comfortable weather
  • The ease of making doctor appointments online
  • Open windows and song birds
  • Cool stuff I’m learning in the class The Neurobiology of Feeling Safe
  • Getting myself to cardiac rehab despite my exhaustion
  • Making cards to send to my friends
  • Going to bed before 10 pm 😊

Whatever your spin of the wheel gives you today, I am sending so much love and compassion your way. I hope you can feel it. ❤️

I wrote about some additional grief resources that have helped me in my July newsletter, which you can read here.

Here are a few of the cards I’ve been making as part of my meditation / soothing self-care. On the days when I don’t have the energy for making anything, I pop one of them in the mail to a friend. Both the making and the sharing are helping me get through my days.

DianaK

Appreciating All. The. Feels…And teaching. Yay, teaching! ❤️

In the midst of 3 big health events in my family I’ve been feeling all the feels. ALL. THE. FEELS.

I am so looking forward to the soothing and settling that happens for me every time I teach a class.

If you’re looking for some soothing, settling, and fun, join us Tuesday for The Art of Appreciation! I would love to see you there!

More details below or you can register for this free, 1-hour zoom class here.

The Art of Appreciation

Tuesday, April 12, 2022
7:00 – 8:00 PM CT
This is my favorite class to teach! Not only is gratitude easy to understand and practice, research shows that of all the character strengths, appreciation is the single best predictor of well-being.

In the April Happier Brains Class we will practice some somatic techniques and then learn simple, science-backed methods for reducing stress and increasing joy through different practices of gratitude.

This class is offered free via zoom.

Register for The Art of Appreciation
DianaK

The small, but mighty protector who lives inside me!

One thing I have learned about having a chronic illness is to expect the unexpected. I mean, I never really DO expect it, but wouldn’t it be fantastic if I did?!? 😆

This week the small and mighty superhero who lives inside me (it’s my pacemaker / ICD) did a fantastic job of keeping me alive. I love that!

On Wednesday, I had an episode of V-tach (heart rate spike) and after I passed out, my darling device zapped my heart and said, “Tut, tut. None of that now. Settle down.” And then my heart said, “Oh, okay.” and did. Settle down, that is.

I’m home from the hospital. I’m fine. You can read more on Caring Bridge here.

In addition to not driving for 3 months, I will be leaning into asking for help, feeling the love and support around me, and appreciating what I have. And refreshing my Art of Appreciation class coming up on April 12th. I’ll have some fresh new examples of how it can work! 😆

Today I appreciate the darling people in my life who bring me flowers, offers me rides, give me space to rant and rave and cry, and who make teeny tiny cards for me. You make my life feel magical and so full of love. ❤️

DianaK

The Art of Tenderness: how I’m feeling today and new class later this month.

Today is my sister Jeni’s birthday. She would have been 54. She would have liked the descending numbers of 5-4 and probably would have made a joke about “5-4-3-2-1 Blast Off!”

I miss her and am feeling pretty tender.

In addition to it being Jeni’s birthday, we got some bad health news about a beloved family member this week. As we are waiting for further test results, my sleep has been disrupted, my thinking is foggy, and I’m finding it difficult to focus. 

My automatic response in situations like this is to “push through” and get on with things even though it’s hard.

And while that is certainly necessary at times, I want to be able to approach times like this with gentleness. I am still learning how to honor tenderness, and how to meet uncertainty and fear with compassion.

Many of us know on some level that compassion and loving kindness are useful (and research supports this). Can we remember to hold loving space in challenging times? How can we care for ourselves and others when plans go awry?          

So I changed this month’s free class to The Art of Tenderness because I need it!

In this class, we’ll practice some gentle somatic techniques, and I’ll share research, resources, and ideas for cultivating tenderness.

If you could use a dose of gentle compassion I’d love for you to join us. You can register for the free class here.

Thank you for taking the time to read this and connect with me. I appreciate you. ❤️

Tender wishes,
Diana

DianaK

Quick Tips for Soothing and Self-care

Can’t make it to my free class this month? Here are some quick tips for soothing and self-care you can use right now — no special equipment needed!

Take a nature break. Research shows that connecting with nature has a host of beneficial effects on our mental and physical health — and that it only takes a few minutes to get those benefits flowing.

Being physically out in nature is the best, but even looking out the window, watching a nature video, listening to soothing natural sounds, or imagining your favorite natural setting can reduce stress and help settle your nervous system.

Here’s one example (there are lots of them!) of a video that can unlock the benefits of connecting with nature. https://youtu.be/N6-2fVsFV8E

Make tiny connections. We are wired to connect with other people and even brief connections can reduce stress. Take an extra couple seconds to make eye contact with, smile at, or even ask someone how their day is going. Positive interactions we have with other folks (or even our pets) tap into our need to belong and sends the signal that we are safe.

Laugh a little. Even a few minutes of laughter has a positive impact on our well-being. It’s not just that it feels good, it also engages our parasympathetic nervous system (aka “rest and digest” or “tend and befriend”) and reduces the stress hormone cortisol. Even better, you can get these effects by pretending to laugh! If you’re like me, you prefer an authentic laugh, but either way your body benefits. Here are a couple of my favorite laugh-inducing videos (most are at least in part because the person recording the video is laughing!).

What are your favorite places to find laughs? I’d love to hear from you!