Woke up super crabby today and after the past week, I decided to just go ahead and have a full-on anger day. I spent most of the morning feeling sorry for myself and being pissed about the past week.

I am mad about having to get FIVE pokes in the back of my hands (yes, that does hurt) in order to get my IV placed yesterday, mad that my colonoscopy results were not good, mad that my heart doesn’t work right, and super mad that my little sister is dying. Mad mad mad mad mad.

I know that appreciation is a helpful tool, but couldn’t think of ANYTHING good. But then I remembered to just start where I am, so I came up with these three things.

1. I am not currently prepping for a colonoscopy and next one is six months out instead of two.
2. Budesonide and Azathioprine might help me avoid surgery.
3. Nothing else crappy has happened today.

But then I found that letting myself live inside that anger for a few hours lessened its intensity. And besides, something else crappy DID happen then…A 15-minute series of fortunate events this afternoon spoiled my bad mood. 😆 Here’s what happened next:

First, Mckenzie and I saw FIVE random people in a row wearing red (all of them walking on the east side of Lyndale).

Then I got home to find my Seriously Happy order from Vista Print.

And finally, Toby jumped up and settled into the box even though not all of him fits.

I mean, really. How was I supposed to stay mad in the face of those things?! 😉

This week we learned that my sister has bile duct cancer with no viable treatment options. As we struggle to understand and inhabit this new reality, I offer two kinds of appreciations: everyday appreciations and appreciation for all the beauty and joy I can find in the time we have left with Jeni.💖

Everyday Appreciations
TWO year roomieversary with Sarah and Ida. What a tremendous gift it is to live with them. So much love and laughter and wonderfulness. 😁

Ida’s new dance moves. Super fancy stuff, I tell ya!

Beautiful bugs.

Our old lady chickens who continue to provide us with eggs and delight.

Our “baby” chickens who are delightful in their own ways… and one of whom has laid her first egg!

Teeny tiny pullet eggs!

Special Appreciations
The blanket of love and support surrounding me and my family. Always there, but felt and appreciated so deeply right now.

Beautiful flowers from Terri & Ellis’ garden…delivered with Ruby hugs.

Mom & Dad’s fierce loyalty and steadfast support of not only Jeni, but of all of us kids. Plus the bazillion hours they’ve spent at the hospital this week talking to docs, keeping Jeni comfortable, and making the best of a crummy situation. They are the absolute best.

Gifti (Jeni’s group home manager) who has spent countless hours at the hospital and helped us get Jeni set up with all the docs & services she needs. Her love for Jeni, knowledge of this process, and her unbelievable generosity have made this so much better for us all.💚

Heidi, whose visit delighted both Jeni and me, and who volunteered to stay to help Jeni navigate her room change so my folks and I could go home and get some rest. We are so lucky to have her in our lives! 💜

Sharon, the fantastic hospital social worker, who takes such great care to understand Jeni and meet her where she is. She brought Jeni a new monkey friend for her faithful doggy companion, Marley. Jeni immediately accepted the new addition to the family, christening her with a kiss and a liberal application of lip balm. 😁 Her name is Sandra Jr.

MY new faithful companion (a chicken!) that T & E bought for me before they even knew about Jeni. Talk about perfect timing! Her name is Molly Jr.

Jeni’s decisiveness and spunk! She knows exactly what she wants and what she doesn’t — and does an excellent job of letting us know. I LOVE that about her! She happily accepted the word find book I brought her, but sent the smiley stickers back home with me. 😉 Yesterday I brought her some were also coupons and ads from the paper. These were also acceptable. 🤣

Loving hugs and texts and cards and calls from my beautiful friends. I appreciate you all so much! 💙💛🧡💚💜❤️

 

I appreciate…
The joy of singing with Pam, Peggy, and Mary Kaye. Bliss!

Spending a few hours with the family at MIA for their family day. Not only did we get to make cool bug hats and clay bugs, we even got to hold some big beautiful moths that are native to MN. What a wonderful afternoon!

Getting to wear the aforementioned hat to teach this week’s Art of Appreciating class!

 

The word aforementioned.

The awesome people who came in from out of town for the Art of Appreciating class. Hahahaha! 🤣

Ida care days.

The ever-growing complex and beautiful sculpture Ida is making for our piano.

Game time with the family.

Looking forward to teaching my next Art of Appreciating class (Back-to-School Edition) in September!

Hedgehogs.

Oh, right. Lots of stuff! Here’s an extremely abbreviated list of what I’m appreciating right now.

Good news from docs:
1.  If I need to have surgery soon, I’ll probably survive since my heart is “chronically compensated” and so, despite its limitations, is doing a very nice job.
2.  I don’t need to have surgery soon!

My bestie-roomie Sarah who took time off work to come with me to my recent appointments. It is so lovely to have fun and joyful support — and to have another set of ears to take in information! ❤️

Fun meetings with Seriously Happy conspirators Alison and Damian. Oooh what fun plans are in motion!

Spending the afternoon with Katie and the fun of organizing a kitchen that has more space than stuff! 😉

Rehearsing with Peggy, Mary Kaye, and Pam. So wonderful to reconnect with my beautiful friends and make gorgeous sounds with them!! 😃

Big tasks checked off the list – including returning library books and getting dryer vent cleaned out!

The fun and joy of getting ready for and celebrating Ida’s Rainbow Birthday. Unbelievably fun! Plus what’s not to love about rainbows all over the house…and the most delicious rainbow cake ever!! 🌈

 

Bonus Ida care days. What a privilege and joy to spend time with our little darling!

Ida’s propensity for stacking & piling things these days. Ahahahahaha!

 

 

Here’s a thing: It is nearly impossible to stay in a funk with friends as funny and sweet and lovable as my friends! 😀

I appreciate the people in my life SO much! Sunday was a beautiful day which included delicious coffee, a trip to Mischief Toy Store, time to play Ticket to Ride for the first time (so fun!) and the most amazing and utterly unexpected surprise “We love Diana” party! We laughed so much and so hard that my belly hurt (in a GOOD way) when I got home!

No matter what else is going on, I continue to be amazed every day by the beautiful people in my life. Thank you for being one of them!! ❤️

PS – Just FYI I am now officially Swirly Sparkle, the Elder (like an ancestor) Queen of Elves! 🤣 So happy to have Sarah as my Assistant Queen, too. Simplifies the governance of the Elf Realm. 😉

Right now, my days are a balancing act. I’m really feeling my mortality and a decent dose of depression and anxiety…and at the same time appreciate so deeply all the riches of my life.

It feels a bit disingenuous not to acknowledge the duality of my days, so here are today’s appreciations. Plus.

I appreciate my incredibly supportive, loving, generous friends. Every day is richer for knowing you.

It is a supreme drag to have heart failure and Crohn’s. My energy and sense of well-being vary wildly from day to day, sometimes from hour to hour. It is not fun.

I appreciate all the things that make me laugh: my friends and family, Ida Ida Ida!, my own silly brain, puns, inside jokes (SPADOS!), mistakes, foibles, sounds, jokes, smiles, thoughts, the My Little Pony theme song playing in my mind…

I am not a fan of facing big decisions about how to manage scary health things.

I adore Sarah and our weekend Coffee & Canasta mornings. AND that she gives me space and encouragement for Coffee & Canasta & Crying mornings when needed.

I dislike the hot humid hotness.

I am SO grateful for spare AC units, fans, dark curtains, and a life that lets me stay indoors and still when I want to.

Post-colonscopy bliss (same day)
Ginger ale, saltines, heated blankets!
A good living room nap followed by a luxurious bedroom nap.
Post-colonscopy bliss (next day)
What a good day so far! Slept 9 hours. Next up: coffee. Then a nap. 😉

CABIN HIGHLIGHTS
My road trip poetry.*
There once was a bird from St. Paul
Who stood 62 inches tall
When she flew through the sky
She made people cry
And drive their cars into a wall

*with help from Sarah Duncan

Mckenzie’s response to my fabulous limerick:
There once was a mom in a Prius
Who thought she was kind of a genius
A limerick she said
About huge birds of dread
Who caused tears from the folks who could see it

Strawberry picking, strawberry pies, lakeside lounging, adult beverages, game time, spa time, goofy time, rest time, coffee time, sunshine, rain, rainbows, and spending a few days with my favorite people on the planet.  😄

 

Good news from the Good News Network
https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/5000-indian-fishermen-turn-ocean-plastic-into-roads/

https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/people-have-passively-planted-over-30-million-trees-simply-by-surfing-the-web/

https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/700-acres-of-massive-1000-year-old-redwoods-are-being-turned-into-a-public-park/

https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/german-12-year-old-boy-plants-1million-trees-takes-over-un-program-to-plant-a-trillion-more/

https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/three-young-men-become-heroes-after-saving-blind-man-who-fell-on-subway-tracks/

https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/mystery-person-spends-1-million-at-toys-r-us-so-they-can-donate-all-of-it-to-kids/

https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/watch-the-emotional-moment-when-students-surprise-janitor-with-enough-money-to-see-his-family/

https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/towns-compassionate-approach-cuts-rates-of-overdose-by-more-than-half-state-to-adopt-it/

https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/two-us-states-have-become-the-first-to-require-mental-health-education-in-school/

https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/in-order-to-protect-environment-and-wildlife-city-is-swapping-fireworks-for-a-drone-show/

https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/ikea-is-testing-buyback-program-to-keep-customers-furniture-from-ending-up-in-landfills/

All 8 people with whom I interacted at this morning’s appointment were supremely warm and friendly. 

Today’s comfy grey weather and delicious coffee.Mmmmm!

The Art of Appreciation class last week. That was SO FUN! I can’t wait to do it again! Finalizing dates for the next four events this week. Wheeee!

Alison, who very helpfully demonstrated different options for using the dry erase board during class. The next one will be SO much better, now that I understand the basics of dry erase board lists. Phew! 😁

Left over happy notes from class….I plastered them all over Menards when Mckenzie & I went the next day. I’d forgotten what fun that is. This one seemed especially appropriate. 😉

Appointment Fun bingo cards are ready to mail.! We had so much fun making thank you cards. Even Luna helped! I’m thrilled that we are donating over 260 packs of cards to local community clinics and support organizations. Y’all are the absolute best!

Super fun visit with my darling Pam last week. It was so fun to catch up and laugh and hear about the Forest of the Green Heron and play and giggle and love! 💖

Playing with new doodle toys. OMG Pam thank you for introducing me and giving me some stuff to start with. Whoopee!

Canasta and coffee with my sweet bestie Sarah. It is such a lovely way to connect. Sometimes it’s also therapy. Or philosophy. Or somatic work. We get a LOT out of those games! 🤣

Plus, Sarah makes the best best best coffee. ☕

Sunday morning art at the purple house. It is a truly magical place to be. 💫🌟💫🌟💫

Seeing all the amazing photos of folks at Pride. Y’all are beautiful!! 🌈