My dad died in April (obit is here) and I miss him in a hundred different ways. This photo was taken at a little resort up north where my extended family met for a week every summer — for 35 years.
One of the traditions we established was to hand out gag gifts at an “awards” ceremony at the end of the week. Here he is, sporting his gift with his usual good humor.
This is my first summer without my dad and it has been pretty rough.
My sister died a few years ago so I thought I knew what to expect this time around, but it turns out that every death, every loss, every grieving is unique. So I’m starting at square one, again. Which means, for me, more reading.
One of the most comforting books I’ve read this spring is the Welcome to the Grief Club by Janine Kwoh. This wonderfully wise and warm book contains gentle, bite-sized and friendly text and graphics — and it normalizes ALL the ways grief might show up. Reading (and re-reading and picking it up and putting it down) has been so helpful to me. I highly recommend it.
Another way I am coping with my grief is to talk about it. A lot.
A few weeks ago I was talking to a friend about the unpredictable nature of grief and we came up with the idea that grief is like a game show: Wheel — Of — Grief! It’s not as much fun as the actual game show of similar title. Fewer fabulous prizes and fortune, for sure. 😆
But thinking of grief this way has helped me let go of the idea that I can plan for my emotional state on a given day or at a given time.
Every morning I wake up and spin the Wheel of Grief. Some days I get “Feeling okay!” Other days I get “Cry on and off all day!” or “Lose your glasses. 300 times!” or “Forget what time (or day or month) it is!”
Some days I spin the wheel all day long, bouncing from brain-foggy sadness to deep gratitude for the people in my life to irritability about all. the. things.
During the first couple hours of today I felt lonely, anxious, okay, happy, silly, grateful, sad, focused, and exhausted. Then I ate breakfast.😳
I’m learning that no matter where the wheel lands, the more I can turn to my experience with compassion and kindness, the better it is for everyone. So that’s a thing I am working on.
I have the capacity to appreciate things today, so here’s what’s on the list.
Today I appreciate…
- Sunshine and comfortable weather
- The ease of making doctor appointments online
- Open windows and song birds
- Cool stuff I’m learning in the class The Neurobiology of Feeling Safe
- Getting myself to cardiac rehab despite my exhaustion
- Making cards to send to my friends
- Going to bed before 10 pm 😊
Whatever your spin of the wheel gives you today, I am sending so much love and compassion your way. I hope you can feel it. ❤️
I wrote about some additional grief resources that have helped me in my July newsletter, which you can read here.
Here are a few of the cards I’ve been making as part of my meditation / soothing self-care. On the days when I don’t have the energy for making anything, I pop one of them in the mail to a friend. Both the making and the sharing are helping me get through my days.
seriouslyhappy2.com 